The $50 Lesson

Recently, while I was working in the flower beds in the front yard, my neighbors stopped to chat  as they returned home from walking their dog.

During our friendly conversation, I asked their little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up.

She said she wanted to be President some day.

Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, "If you were President what  would be the first thing you would do?"

She replied... "I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people."

Her parents beamed with pride!

"Wow...what a worthy goal!" I said. "But you don't have to wait until you're President to do that!" I told her.

"What do you mean?" she replied.

So I told her, "You can come over to my house and  mow the lawn, pull weeds, and trim my hedge, and  I'll pay you $50. Then you can go over to the grocery  store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you  can give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house."

She thought that over for a few seconds, then she  looked me straight in the eye and asked, "Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?"

I said, "Welcome to the Republican Party."

Her parents aren't speaking to me.

Thoughtsjustoffcenter: Not a true story, yet it does make sense. Have a good laugh today, and everyday. It helps keep you focused on what is important in life. If you don't laugh at the funny things in life, poeple will eventually be laughing at you. Maybe not to your face, yet they will still be laughing.

Humor from the Internet

How to Start Each Day With a Positive Outlook

1. Open a new file in your computer.

2. Name it “Barack Obama.”

3. Now, Delete it.

4. The computer will ask: "Are you sure you want to remove 'Barack Obama?'"

5. Firmly Click "Yes."

6. Now Empty the trash from your computer.

5. Your computer will ask you, “Do you really want to remove 'Barack Obama' permanently?"

7. Again, Firmly Click “Yes.”

8. Feel better?

PS: Tomorrow we’ll do Nancy Pelosi, the next Harry Reid, then Patty Murry, then...


EVE'S SIDE OF THE STORY

After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. 'So, how
is everything going ?' inquired God.

'It is all so beautiful, God,' she replied. 'The sunrises and sunsets are
breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have
just one problem.

It's these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two
out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on
branches and snagging them on bushes. They're a real pain.'

And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in
pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc She felt that having only two
breasts might leave her body more 'symmetrically balanced'.

'That's a fair point,' replied God, 'But it was my first shot at this, you
know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only
half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away.'
And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes.

Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden.
'Well, Eve, how is my favorite creation ?''Just fantastic,' she replied, 'But for one oversight. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone.'

God thought for a moment and said, 'You know, Eve, you are right. How could
I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a
man from a part of you. Let's see....where did I put that useless boob?'

Now doesn't THAT make more sense than the rib story?

I think I'd better read Genesis again, I might have missed something.

Thoughtsjustoffcenter: There is stuff out there, in the "ether world" that can make you smile. Just thought I would pass it on to whomever reads this blog. Have a wonderful day!

Another Funny Found In My In Box

This has to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department.

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'
Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect .'
Operator: 'What sort of trouble?'
Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'
Operator: 'Went away?'
Caller: 'They disappeared'
Operator: 'Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?'
Caller: 'Nothing.'
Operator: 'Nothing??'
Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?'
Caller: 'How do I tell?'
Operator: 'Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the screen?'
Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'
Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'
Caller: 'There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I type..'
Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator?'
Caller: 'What's a monitor?'
Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?'
Caller: 'I don't know.'
Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find wherethe power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'
Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'
Opera tor: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it'splugged into the wall..
Caller: 'Yes, it is.'
Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice thatthere were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one? '
Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again andfind the other cable.'
Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'
Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely intothe back of your computer..'
Caller: 'I can't reach.'
Operator: 'OK. Well, can you see if it is?'
Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?'
Caller: 'Well, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's dark.'
Operator: 'Dark?'
Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have iscoming in from the window.'
Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'
Caller: 'I can't.'
Operator: 'No? Why not?'
Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'
Operator: 'A power .... A power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff that your computer came in?'
Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet..'
Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back tothe store you bought it from.'
Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'
Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?'
Operator: 'Tell them you're too damned stupid to own a computer!'

Thoughsjustoffcenter comments: Yes - They walk amoung us. I remember a few of them very well and I still continue to run into them every once in a while. However, I don't know how old or true this is - it's funny anyway. I hope you've begun with a good laugh for the day, with more to come. Is 'WordPerfect' even around anymore? Who still uses it? Plus, we all use 'flat screens' now.

Places - I Have & Have Not Been

I have travelled the world and have been in many places, yet -

I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.

I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work.

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.

I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.

I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.

Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.
One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!

And, sometimes I think I am in Vincible but life shows me I am not!

I have been in Deepshit many times; the older I get, the easier it is
to get there. I think I'm there now but can't be sure - senior moment?!?!

Chuck Woolery - Budget Cuts

Strange humor, yet you've got to start cutting the budget somewhere.

Thought For Everyone

My brother sent me this picture. I'm believe this is vol. 1 of the United States of America Tax Code. My brother thinks it's a manual on Understanding Women (also vol. 1). Either way we're screwed.

Thanks Keith!

Todays Humor

Finally the details of Obama's Jobs Bill -

(actually this cartoon is from the 16th - but, I put it here today)

Today's Humor

More Humor - by Former President Reagan

The Morning Brief

At President Obama’s Morning Briefing, the U.S. Department of Defense reported that 2-Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq.

To everyone's surprise, he collapsed onto his desk, head in his hands, visibly shaken, almost in tears.

Finally, he composed himself and then asked, - - - - “Just how many is a BRAZILIAN?”

This is not surprising, since he obviously has no understanding of billion or trillion either.

Secrets to a Long & Happy Marriage

Who says I don't have a good sense of humor or that women can't tell the truth -